Flirting With Words: For Men, Part 4
June 6th, 2009 | by Joseph Matthews |Sponsored Links
A big part of being a good flirt is allowing the other person to express herself. In the last article, I covered what not to say, and in this one, I'll cover what to do while not saying anything!
It's vitally important to be a good listener. You show interest in her, and it allows you time to determine what is happening non verbally. You'll be able to watch and see if things are going in the right direction.
It's not all about shutting up and letting the other person talk, in other words. You are responsible for providing some feedback to them with verbal and non verbal signals alike.
The main thing these signals show is that you are paying attention and are interested. If you can't show these, don't be surprised if the conversation shuts down and the woman closes off.
So what are good signals of feedback? Nodding, smiling, showing responsive facial expressions, and leaning into the person (correctly timed), all play a part of it. All convey interest and attention.
Verbally, well timed expressions help, normally ones of agreement. Saying "uh-huh" quickly, or "ah", will display interest when timed right.
This goes for talking to other men as well. Basic signals like these are effective in all manner of interaction, including job interviews. Being as powerful as they are, it's worth noting their importance.
Another great technique is to paraphrase. In short, you repeat a summary of what they said back to them. "So wait, you were ditched by your friends at a biker bar? How'd that turn out?" Something like this is particularly useful if the woman is coming off as shy.
An important note on the above tactic - be sure to use an open ended question, rather than a closed ended one. If she can say yes or no to answer, that's closed ended and should be avoided. You want her to answer with a full explanation.
A good way to remember this is to think of the words Who, What, When, Where, How, and Why. They are the interrogative words that, when used, require more than yes or no to be used in response.
So what we need to know, when it comes to listening, is this: we are trying to appear that we are paying attention and interested. It's normally a good idea if you are regardless ( I tend not to waste my time if I'm not interested).
As well, with your nonverbal and verbal responses, you propel the conversation along, and sending the messages to her that she's worth talking to.
The key again is practice. Be AWARE of her while flirting. Listen to what she says. Pay attention to the content. And TRY to take an active interest in her!
Make an effort to do the above. Most girls will reciprocate. If you are working with the other methods described in this series, you'll probably gain rapport, and that's a HUGE step in making your flirting successful!
Take the time get your listening skills down pat. Work hard on them and you'll be rewarded well. In the coming article, I'll show you the power of reciprocal disclosure and humor, both powerful pieces in the flirting puzzle!
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